Futsukayoi - 二日酔い
by SeaSpectre160
Summary: Gekiranger: After a bizarre adventure involving a diamond, three lady thieves, and WAY too much sake, Retsu has to deal with a hangover and an interrogation with his brother. He doesn't know which is worse. Tag to Lesson 36. Part of the United AU.


**Yay! Exams are done and I am FREE!**

 **It suddenly occurred to me, while re-watching Lesson 36, that Retsu's friends are left with _so_ many questions at the end, considering the little amount of information they have to go on when they stumble onto the aftermath of his crazy adventure this episode. And I wanted to see Retsu's reaction if he were to find out what the whole fiasco was _really_ centered on.**

 **Timeline-wise, with the way the episode ends on the villains' side of things, it's pretty obvious that the beginning of Lesson 37 takes place almost immediately after, yet Retsu appears in the very first scene of that episode and doesn't appear to be even slightly hungover, which, considering how drunk he got, is absurd. So as far as I'm concerned, Lesson 36 takes place around noon on the 6th, except for the last scene, which takes place in the evening. Lesson 37 starts up roughly 24 hours later, on the 7th, and Ran's marriage interview and the rest of the episode is on the 8th.**

 **It's only briefly mentioned in this fic, but Retsu's age and the amount of time Gō was missing were calculated through the birthdate of Retsu's main actor and the two conflicting birthdates I found when researching the child actor (not a surprise that the personal info of a minor is harder to find): Manpei Takagi was born on October 22nd, 1985, so he's 21 for most of the show's run, and I'm using that as Retsu's birthdate. The two possible birthdates I found for the child actor indicate that the kid was either 5 or 7 when filming the scene where Retsu and Gō last interact before Gō's disappearance. Averaging it to age 6, that means that G** **ō was gone for roughly 15 years. In my headcanon for the United AU, he went missing on January 6th, 1992, and his return in Lesson 23/24 was on the night of July 28th, 2007 (so closer to 15 and a half).**

 **DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gekiranger.**

 **WORD COUNT: 3144**

* * *

 _Tuesday, November 6_ _th_ _, 2007_

When Gō heard the moan coming from the other room, a smirk slowly appeared on his face. Removing the pot from the heat, he placed it on the back burner and turned the stove off before leaving the kitchen to check on his brother.

It had been a weird day. While Gō and the others had been arguing over the SouJyuTou, Retsu had apparently gotten himself into a bizarre adventure alongside Master Sharkie and Master Elehan. The latter two had been ridiculously drunk when they'd been found, and went on about 'Treasure-chans' and Retsu stealing all their sake and 'Onee-chans', altogether making very little sense. And Retsu had been asleep since, already passed out from the obscene amount of sake he'd reportedly consumed. So while everyone else tried to wrangle the two wasted Kensei, Gō had literally carried his younger brother back to their apartment and waited for him to finally wake up and, hopefully, give him a proper explanation, for both the sake _and_ the pretty girl who'd kissed him before leaving.

* * *

Retsu was very confused. His head was pounding, he felt extremely dizzy and nauseous, and when he opened his eyes he was nearly blinded by the bright glare, eliciting a pained groan. Everything hurt, and he had no idea why. He couldn't remember anything that would explain his current state. The last memory he could dredge up was of being asked by Master Elehan to help him move (and by 'asked', he meant 'dragged out the door due to being the only unfortunate soul in the room at the time').

Footsteps alerted him to the approach of another person. "Are you awake?" Nii-san's voice asked drily.

His tone did not bode well at all. Nii-san only sounded like that when Retsu had done something that annoyed him.

"Oi, Retsu, can you hear me?"

"Nii-san?" Retsu murmured, trying to open his eyes only to shut them again against the obscenely bright light.

For some reason, Nii-san sounded rather smug when he asked: "Do you want me to turn the lights down?" Retsu nodded against his pillow, groaning when the movement only made his migraine intensify. Nii-san's footsteps retreated momentarily, then he returned. "How's that?"

For the third time, Retsu opened his eyes, but now he couldn't see a thing. Still, it was a huge improvement from the eye-burning brightness. "What happened?" he mumbled.

Nii-san huffed, and Retsu could hear and feel him sitting down right next to him. "I was about to ask you the same thing. It figures you can't remember. I guess four bottles of sake or more will do that to you."

Four bottles of _what_?! "Nii-san, what are you…"

Oh. _Ohhh_. Now he was starting to remember. Three woman thieves in black leather outfits. Three girls who'd taken them out to lunch. Two of those girls attacking him after the third had apologised for the deception. And all that sake…

Well, _that_ explained why he felt like shit.

* * *

Gō knew immediately when Retsu started remembering the day's events. Even in the dim illumination provided only by the city lights and the waning crescent moon outside, he could see the look of recollection on his brother's face, mixed with the pain from the inevitable hangover-headache. " _Maitaze_ ," he murmured, tapping his forehead with his fist, "For me, it was less than four months ago that you were just a sweet little six-year-old who was terrified of getting cooties. And today I find you passed out drunk with your head in a woman's lap. What the _hell_ did you get up to, Retsu?"

Retsu groaned again, but this one wasn't so much a groan of pain as it was a groan of embarrassment. "I'm an idiot," he admitted.

"Considering the aftermath of whatever it is you did, I agree. Just talk me through it, will you? Master Elehan and Master Sharkie were too drunk to tell us anything that made sense."

"I should've realised who they were sooner."

"Who?"

"The girls. Three women in masks stole a diamond from Master Elehan's collection, and we chased after them, but stopped when we saw a lone Rinshi attacking three girls."

"Only one?" That was odd. The lesser Rinshi tended to stick together in groups, following the more powerful Rinshi around.

"Yeah, it didn't take me long to get rid of it at all. The girls had the diamond… claimed they'd found it in the grass, and then they took us out to lunch, said they wanted to thank us for saving them."

"'Found it in the grass'? Retsu, they were obviously the thieves!" Gō rolled his eyes. He'd thought Retsu was more observant than that.

"I know, I should have figured it out. I guess the two older ones were trying to lift the diamond off the Kensei… I wasn't really paying attention; the third girl and I were talking." A faint smile spread across his face, and Gō would have bet anything that that girl had been the one in the pink dress, the one Retsu had been cuddled up to when he and the other Gekirangers had arrived. "They spiked our drinks at some point, that's when I realised who they were. Then Cherry – that's the one I was talking to – started arguing with her sisters. She grabbed the diamond and me, and we tried to get away. She gave it back, and told me she was giving up being a thief, because she'd found something beautiful that she couldn't steal."

The smile grew, compelling Gō to ask: "And what was that?"

"My fighting form."

Ahhh. So he was grinning like a loon because a pretty girl had complimented him. Gō would have had to be an idiot to not notice, whenever the brothers went out, how Retsu would garner lingering glances from some of the women around them. His crybaby little brother had grown into a handsome young man while he was… absent, and the girls definitely took notice. Gō would never admit this, but he was just a little bit jealous of Retsu for it. Just a little bit. It was a good thing his little brother had never once taken selfish advantage of their attention. From what little Gō had seen of the whole fiasco, he guessed that this Cherry was another girl whose eye he'd caught, if she was giving up her life of crime because of him mere hours after they'd met.

Though, she and her sisters had still gotten him drunk to steal a diamond from him and the Kensei, so Gō decided that he did not approve of this one.

"Her sisters showed up and tried to take the diamond, and I fought them off, though I don't remember all of that part."

"How? How could you have fought them off while you were drunk?"

"I learned a drunken-fist style a while back… Don't ask how, the Director _still_ gets angry when that gets brought up."

Gō seriously wondered if the story would even be worth asking Miki about it.

"Then… I think SaiDaiOu showed up… Why was _SaiDaiOu_ there?"

"A giant, armoured Rinshi appeared and started smashing buildings," Gō explained, "We'd been arguing about who should be the pilot for SaiDaiOu since it can be used by anyone, and Ken raced off to try and prove he was the best choice. He took it down with a ton of overkill, and left the rest of us with nothing else to do but watch, until we noticed you." He smirked. "Like I said earlier, you were curled up on the ground, fast asleep, and the girl in the pink dress had your head in her lap. I'm guessing that was Cherry?"

Retsu blushed furiously. "Um… Yes… What happened to her?"

"She and her sisters left, did something with a bunch of rose petals, but before they did, she kissed you."

"Ah. She ki- EH?! Owwww."

* * *

"Owwww," Retsu moaned. Shouting when you had a hangover was a terrible, _terrible_ idea. But he couldn't help it. "Nii-san, she _what_?!"

His eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness – how long had he been sleeping? – for him to see his brother's growing smirk. "She thanked you for something, and then kissed you on the cheek. The lipstick mark's still there, actually. Master Elehan and Master Sharkie were _very_ jealous. They weren't very coherent, but they were going on about how you stole all the girls and the sake. And something about a – Ah!" Nii-san jerked his head up at his apparent epiphany, then groaned in irritation and slumped against the wall. "Retsu, that diamond… Did Master Elehan say he got it from a girl in Hong Kong and keep it in a little black and gold case?"

Retsu frowned. "Yes. …Why?"

The elder brother huffed and tapped his fist to his forehead. " _Maitaze_. I've seen it before. He showed it to me once, and made me cut a hundred logs after I dropped it on the ground and scratched it."

"Only a hundred? He wanted me to cut a _thousand_ after I dropped the chest it was in. I didn't even _break_ anything."

For some reason, Nii-san rolled his eyes. "You're missing the point. It got _scratched_ after I _dropped it on the ground_."

"Yeah, so what…" It clicked. "Diamonds don't get scratched that easily."

"Exactly. I told him it was a fake, and he bumped it up to two hundred logs and went to get the scratch buffed out. It's probably a pure piece of quartz, or maybe even glass."

"You mean…" Retsu realised, now feeling _very_ irritated with the elephant man, "That all the crazy shit I went through today was because of a stupid piece of _glass_?!"

Nii-san suddenly got a very strained look on his face, then he started shaking, and it was only when he clapped his hand over his mouth that Retsu realised that his brother was fighting to keep himself from laughing.

"Mou, it's not funny, Nii-san!"

At this, Nii-san gave up holding it in and burst into laughter. "Ye-Yes it is!" he argued between gasps.

"No, it's not!" Retsu insisted, scrambling to sit up, "Nii-san, it's- ughhh…" Maybe sitting up hadn't been the best idea, either. Everything got all blurry, his head was spinning and pounding even harder than it had when he'd woken up. He felt himself collapsing, but Nii-san's arms caught him before he hit his bed.

"Take it easy," Nii-san warned, still sounding amused, "Your hangover isn't going to go away in less than ten minutes. Just wait a minute, I'll be right back." He gently set Retsu back down and left the room.

* * *

Gō had just re-entered the kitchen when the apartment phone rang. Miki was on the other end. _"Is he awake yet?"_ she asked, clearly in a scolding mood.

"He's up," Gō confirmed, "And a little pissed off. Apparently, the whole fiasco was because those girls tried to steal Master Elehan's fake diamond and got all three of them drunk in the attempt."

There was a moment of silence on Miki's end, followed by a long-suffering sigh. _"Let me guess: Retsu didn't know it was a fake until you told him?"_

"Right in one. Although one of them did try to give it back. It appears that she developed quite the crush on him." As he was talking, Gō poured the concoction he'd been making earlier into a large mug, wrinkling his nose at the smell. "I'll drag him back to SCRTC in the morning, so that you can tell him off in person, if you want."

 _"_ _Actually, I'd like to talk to him right now."_ Gō recognised her tone, and winced in sympathy for his brother.

"Right, just give me a minute." With the phone in one hand and the mug in the other, he returned to Retsu's room, where the hungover Jaguar-fist user had buried his face into his pillow in an effort to shut out the light from the hallway. "Miki wants to talk to you."

With all the maturity of a toddler, Retsu promptly pulled the covers over his head. "I'm asleep," he lied, sounding slightly panicked.

"Don't be a baby. You'll have to face her at some point, and it'll only get worse the longer you put it off. So quit hiding under the covers like a child and just take the damn phone." He then followed up by setting the mug on the bedside table and shoving the device through a gap in the covers. He heard Retsu's muffled greeting to Miki, and even through the fabric, the sounds of her scolding rant still reached Gō's ears. And she'd probably already left off some steam chewing out Master Elehan and Master Sharkie.

* * *

 _"And after what happened last time, I'd expect a little more responsibility from you!"_ the Director finished, finally winding down from telling him off for his carelessness.

"Yes, Director," Retsu replied meekly, as it was the only safe response he could think of.

There was a sigh on the other end of the phone. _"At least this one wasn't completely your fault. I doubt half the trouble would've occurred if you'd known that stone was a fake. I'll be having another talk with Master Elehan about dragging you into a fight over a cheap trinket. Sadly, I think he really believes it's a real diamond. We can try and prove it to him when you bring it back in the morning."_

This made Retsu pause. He was pretty sure he'd been the last one to possess the 'diamond', but after a quick check of his pockets, he knew he didn't have it on him. He lifted the covers (under which he was still hiding to get away from the obnoxiously bright hall light) to ask his brother a question. "You didn't happen to bring that piece of junk back with us, did you?"

Nii-san shook his head. "No. Why?"

"Because the Director thinks I have it." Oh, _dammit_ , he must have lost it in the fight.

When he relayed this to the Director, she sighed again, though she sounded far more sympathetic than she'd been at the beginning of the call. _"You know Master Elehan will never let you hear the end of it."_

"Yeah, well, I don't care how many logs he wants me to cut as punishment, I am _not_ going to go looking for that stupid thing, and if he finds it, he can stick it up his-"

 _"_ _Retsu!"_ Retsu knew that he was normally never so disrespectful towards a Kensei, but right now, he was angry and hungover, and it was all the elephant's fault, so he just wasn't in the mood to care. By the doorway, Nii-san practically choked on a laugh before reaching over and plucking the phone out of his hand.

"Don't take him seriously, Miki, it's the hangover talking. I'll bring him in in the morning and we'll sort everything out. … Right. … Good night." He hung up and nodded at the mug that was now sitting on Retsu's bedside table. "Drink that before you go back to sleep; you'll feel better."

Retsu slowly sat up, reached over, and picked it up, only to hold it away when the foul smell reached his nose. "What the hell is this?"

"A hangover cure I found online."

"Online? Any idiot could have put this on the 'Net. How do you know this one will work?"

Nii-san shrugged and left the room. "Just drink it!" he called over his shoulder, "And don't think you can get away with dumping it and hiding it like when you were trying to get out of taking cough medicine as a kid!"

Staring dismally at the dark green sludge, Retsu wondered if Nii-san had intentionally sought out the most disgusting hangover cure he could find, and contemplated just ignoring it and sleeping the rest of his hangover off. But he knew his brother well enough to know that Nii-san would pester him until he drank the stuff. So he took a deep breath, pinched his nose, and downed in all in two gulps.

* * *

 _Wednesday, November 7_ _th_ _, 2007_

The next morning, Gō got up and dragged Retsu out of bed, though his brother was doing considerably better than he had been last night. Retsu disappeared into the bathroom to take a cold shower, tossing his clothes (which were the same ones he'd been wearing the previous day) into the hamper, as they reeked of sake. Gō wound up doing the same thing with Retsu's bedsheets, since they'd picked up the smell with him sleeping in them all afternoon and all night.

At SCRTC headquarters, they were greeted by a stern-looking Miki, who was standing in the middle of the room with her arms crossed. In contrast, Master Shafu was calmly sipping tea on one of the benches in the corner.

"Feeling better?" she asked, in a tone that made Retsu feel more nervous than anything else.

"A bit," he replied truthfully, "Sleep helped, and so did that gunk Nii-san fed me."

"Good. I wouldn't want you to be feeling too sick for this." She indicated a pile of cleaning supplies next to the table. "The exercise room has been looking a little dingy lately. You'll be scrubbing it from top to bottom until it shines."

"The whole room?!" Retsu gasped, a faint whine creeping into his tone.

"And all of the equipment in it. Every nook and cranny."

Retsu wanted to argue, that task would take him all day. But then he caught the look in the Director's eyes. It was the one he and Natsume had both learned to recognise as meaning that any whining or arguing would just bring them more trouble. So he hung his head, trudged over to the pile of cleaning supplies, and began to gather them all up. Nii-san patted his shoulder before wandering over to the training area, and the Director returned to her computer.

Master Shafu set down his tea. "In foolish mistakes, there is training," Retsu heard him say, followed by the ' _ting_ ' of his triangle.

THE END

* * *

 **Well, I had a good laugh writing this! I just couldn't help but wonder how the aftermath of that episode would pan out.**


End file.
